When I was 18 years old I went to NYU. I had fallen in love with the school and thought it was the absolutely perfect place for me. However, shortly after I arrived I started to feel like everyone around me had figured out something that I had not yet been able to figure out for myself. I couldn't describe exactly what it was that everyone else had that I didn't, but I do know that everyone else seemed to be finding their way and I was just lost. I started getting crazy bad anxiety and stopped sleeping... a terrible combination. As this cycle continued I started doing poorly in my classes, couldn't concentrate, and eventually became incredibly depressed.
I eventually got to a point where I needed to ask for help and ended up taking a medical leave of absence. Eventually after about a year of working on myself, I decided to return to NYU part-time. When I went back, my heart was still not in it and I was honestly only there to please my parents. I was incredibly frustrated because I still was not doing well in my classes and I could not figure out why. After about 2 years back in the classroom I wrote my parents a letter asking them for their blessing to leave school and move to LA to pursue a career as a singer, songwriter, model, actress, general superstar.
Once I got to LA I learned a lot of hard life-lessons, but I also achieved a lot of my real life goals that I had set forth for myself. The world became my real-life classroom and as I learned more about myself I realized more what I wanted out of life. At the beginning of 2018 I realized that I needed a different sort of fulfillment then what I was getting from being in the spotlight. My inner nerdy, smarty pants from my childhood resurfaced in my brain and told me to go back to school, something I never thought I would do (at least willingly... I promised my dad I would go back to school by 26 if I wasn't like Beyonce by then and girls never lie to their dads, right?)
So I started researching and decided to apply to Berklee College of Music Online, a school that had always been a sort of dream of mine. I figured with my grades from college that there wasn't a chance that I would get in, so I wrote a personal essay where I poured my heart out and crossed my fingers that they would look at my high school transcript along with my words and there would be some glimmer of hope. And then the craziest thing happened....
I GOT IN.
So as of April of 2018 in addition to being a total super star boss babe, I also became a full time student AND as of June 24, 2018, I have officially completed my first semester back in college! I proved to myself that I really am smart and gained the confidence back in my intellect that I had lost in my early college years, something that I had never really realized had a great effect of my self-esteem. Going back to college as an adult has really taught me a lot about myself not just as a student, but as a person. I realized that I am not just pretty or talented (compliments that I obviously love, but do not speak to my soul or who I am as a person). I am also smart and hard-working and the strength I had to return to school shows that I can do anything I set my mind to.